It is 11pm on Sunday. I turned off my alarm. This is when I would restart the weekly cycle, but obviously, I am not injecting.
Starting now, I should start to feel better. Maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after. I does not help that it is going to be over 100 degrees for the next three days.
10 people over for dinner, then desert, then my parents showed up and we raised another toast, and then more desert. Lots of happy. Lots of friends.
I’m done… I’m done. I’m done!!!
My last injection is in 21 hours.
I shouldn’t feel the side effects lift for at least 24 to 48 hours after the injection, but today felt a lot easier than the previous few weeks. I woke up feeling good, I had a kind-of-big meeting during the day (I haven’t had a meeting in weeks, if not months). Maybe I just had a good day.
But I feel how close the end is. That sounds super cliche and kind of sentimental. But I think that my mind has taken over, and knows it is going to be released from this cycle of… (think of non-cliche word for pain and suffering and fail…) …pain and suffering and it is kicking in the endorphins, or whatever, to get me through the last tiny little bit.
Tomorrow we are going to have a few people over for pizza, i’m going to do my last injection, and then we are going to pop some champagne to celebrate.
I am going to go to sleep, and wake up to the rest of my life. That sounds cliche, and maybe even ominous, but I’ve been waiting for this for 18 months now.
I rec’d a pkg from “Lady Fortunes” and while I do buy a lot of stuff online, and often forget exactly what was coming from where, most everything I’ve been buying have been art materials that have been shipped back to NYC.
So this package shows up with the return address “Lady Fortunes.” It was addressed to me, but I felt like it might have been a mistake. I waited for O to wake up, and ask her if it was hers. It seemed like tike it could be private. She denied all knowledge, but exhibited great curiosity. Ditto with my mom.
I was baffled. I had no idea what it was. We unboxed it, and it got funnier and funnier. So it is a fortune cookie that is 9 inches wide… and we are in hysterics. But there was no card in the box. So we are guessing who it is from. We suspected AW and LK, but it turns out upon opening, that it was from my Aunt and Uncle.
We were on a giggle-high from that one. So awesome.
The last week seemed to take forever.
It is crazy hot in Portland, so I’ve been having major heat related dysesthesia.
Sleeping *a lot.* Really exhausted at the end of all of this.
One more week. 7 Days, three injections.
I’m in Portland. Strangely having a harder time than I did in SF. Lots of itching and dysesthesia. But done with all but two weeks.
Three weeks left.
Last night was a rough injection – it just hurt. I probably was too close to a nerve, or something. Whenever that happens, I almost always feel terrible the next morning. It is Noon, and I am just waking.
Three weeks left.
I’m in San Francsico. It is wonderfully cold here. Such a relief from the already overheated NYC (and it is going to get so much hotter there.) It is really encouraging to realize how much better I am doing now than when I was here in November. In November I was rolling around on the side walk, with my shirt off, scratching myself, and not knowing why or what do do. Now I know that’s called dysesthesia, that I take Atarax for it as needed, and that I can meditate my way out of most full blown attacks.
I think it is also that my body has just adjusted to the intake of these toxic chemicals, and my mind has accepted the physical limitations and scaled back accordingly. Kind of… I am still trying to do too much. Even here in SF “on vacation.”
O and I are leaving today for San Francisco and Sacramento, followed by 5 weeks in Portland. Finishing where I started. We have a house swap. Our 1.5 bedroom apartment in brooklyn for a 5 bedroom house in Belmont with a sauna in the backyard. Such a different quality of life. We get to play Portland for a little bit, while the drugs leave my system. 3.5 weeks left