i got enough sleep before the meeting with the naturopath.
basically it was kind of like therapy. except from a cancer survivor. whose whole deal is finding ways to win the mental war and compensate for the nastiness of the physical war in the body.
he gave me B-12 vitamins. b/c I don’t eat meat, which is mostly true. (did you know that pescatarian was added to the dictionary today? So was Fanboy!!! — http://edition.cnn.com/2008/US/07/07/new.dictionary.words.ap/index.html) and it will also help my liver function
and we talked a lot about goals and how i need to overcome this mentally. it was a lot of information all at once. and it was just the same information as the last time, but more specific. lets see if i can remember:
1. I personally have to take on the mental battle. The drs are doing the chemical stuff, but I have to win the mental battle.
2. I need to set goals. Part of the problem is that I am just reacting right now. Reactionary. I feel bad, I feel good. I need to set short term and long term goals. So I have something to aim for. My long term goal is full quality of life during the 11 month treatment period. My short term goal is to make it through the next week feeling good, with more energy, and more calmness. And to have liver enzyme counts that allow me to finish up the drugs.
To accomplish the next week’s goal he told me I need to eat more (whatever I can eat, whenever I can eat), continue to exercise, take my B-12, and I forget the rest. Oh, meditation. Meditation.
I said to him that meditation seemed to work, but I didn’t understand why. And he said something that was kind of stunning, but I kind of forget what it was. maybe it was kind of mystical like ‘maybe you know more than you realize.’
Anyway, it was really early in the morning, and it was so much information, but I forget. The next meeting is after noon, so I’ll be in better shape.
The other thing he kept saying is that I have to move through this. I can’t be passive. I have to move through this, and arrive at a state where I am at peace with the cancer. Because, as he says, I will never get to the point where the cancer is a non-issue. He is 19 years out, and he still thinks about it. As he says, this is now version 2.0 of my life. And there is no going back. But there is making peace.
And if there is no making peace, then I play victim. And that is lame. I don’t want to play victim. Laaaame.
i think there was a bunch more, but that is what i remember now, two hours later.
now it is time to leave to get my Interferon. week 3 begins. hopefully this will go easy. and my liver will stay happy.
A friend of mine gave me B-12 once, too, because I don’t eat a lot of meat. She thought it would help with the migraines I was having. I don’t think it helped much with migraines but these days I am taking an all-in-one vitamin to help compensate for the fact that I don’t eat too much meat.
Version 2.0 of your life is a nice web-terminology approach to thinking about before/after. But really, if you’re counting, you’re probably on Version 10.0 of your life or maybe Version 100.0 of your life. Who knows. It is good, though, to hear him say that he’s been out 19 years and still thinking about it. Good, because it shows his commitment to the whole process – during and after and after-after (think Karate Kid when you read that). My mom has been out for 22 years and I think she still thinks about it. Hmm, what I mean by “thinks about it” is maybe more like, is aware of her history with it…is aware of being out of living with it as opposed to living with it. Something like that.
And…my humble opinion is here: it doesn’t matter why the meditation works. The fact that it is working is all that matters.
My friend said to think about you surrounded by white light. So I’m doing that.